Professor Ormund Norbet Weekday is a strange individual, driven by the emotional fires of science and discovery to pursue with great focus and determination...absolutely nothing at all.

Born at the age of zero in a little town somewhere south of Derbyshire, Ormund was the son of a coal farmer from Tamworth Island and a pineapple mechanic from the Kingdom of Rutland. Being neither wealthy nor talented, the young Professor filled his days with piano training and rugby rehearsals. He quickly came to discover that he was both unable to play the piano, or indeed rugby, and went off into the world to seek his fortune.

After crossing the vast swamps of Western Europe, he realised he'd taken a wrong turn and left Mississippi. It was then in a small town somewhere North of Alaska that he picked up a Bavarian accent. He was then forced to leave it at customs, due to a recent foiled plot in which European dialects were to be used to hijack zeppelins.

He came to settle on the second floor of a bungalow in London, and hopes one day to find the answer to the question that has plagued the world's greatest minds since time began: Jacket or chips?